so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
