help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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