Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
