Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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