Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Someone shattered a urinal.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
