My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
