I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Green mimosas i think yes
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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