i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
