someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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