I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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