Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Green mimosas i think yes
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize