I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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