my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
