even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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