That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
