i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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