Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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