is your mom at the bar?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
thus making me awesome and them whores
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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