Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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