i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
