If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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