i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
