I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
how does that bad decision feel?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
