New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize