I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
