I have demons in me.
birth control should be required to get into college
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
