Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
