is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
