sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
