can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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