I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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