I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
