why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
