and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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