shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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