I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
