he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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