Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
