i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
