The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
