The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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