I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
