Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
