Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
