You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
