Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
