I'm jealous of your bromance
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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