Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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