we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize