Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize