I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize