everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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