a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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