dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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