I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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