i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
where are you?
Hypothermia
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
