Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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