I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Do you have feelings for this penis?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
