So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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