only if we run a train.
done.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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