his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
