You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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