it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
