I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
