I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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