I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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