Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
