like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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