That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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