now i know why i became what i already was.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
