wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
