Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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