Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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