maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
