I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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