The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize