I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
