If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
