Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize