I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
my phone needs a breathalizer
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
