the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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