I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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