I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
