The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
