Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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