are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
