Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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