Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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