I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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