A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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