Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
