From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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