I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
okay pat passed out under dana's car
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
