How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
