Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
