i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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