Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
