I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
