I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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