Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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