upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
