All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
