Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
